haiz. turning into an adult/becoming an adult is so scary. so many changes in life that we gotta face. there's a different meaning to friends. people no longer "want" friends because they are too caught up with their lifes/work.

one day i might become like that. but for now i just hope thats not gonna happen. its hard to say. part of me wants to grow up but another part doesnt. the fear of it. turning 19 soon. and soon its gonna be 20. then 21. then 22. so on. omg. i find that 18 now is already old enough.

i need a brainwash. i need my thinking process to be set straight. cause i find that my thinking have problem. the way i think about stuff is not right. don't really know how to put it but thats it lorz.

tommorow is my sec sch class outting, bbq at east coast park. haiz. very frustrated larz. the friends/classmates/people in my sec 4 class i hope can like have contact even when we all go our seperate ways lorz. its gonna be difficult larz. just hope for the best to happen. thats why i say growing up is scary.

i realised that my blog differs from other people's blog. mine is like all about ranting my problems and talking about meaningless stuff. more and more about myself. whereas for others, theirs are opinions of things. hmm. got different rights? hahahaz. don't know larz. sorry if i complaining and whine sooo much about myself. get use to it man. it's my blog. :P

yesterday went zoo then stayed over at lok tuan's house. wa. during zoo trip lorz. that samuel wanna qi si wo arhz. haiz. ask him don't do this don't do that he still do. make me angry only. arhz. don't understand him larz. haiz. seems like 1st time i angry with a friend.

yar. wanna say that. somehow i find that out of 3 of them, lok tuan can be trusted most, ching han is neutral, samuel being the least. looks can be deceiving huhz. never judge a book by its cover. hmm.... at least the trusting things is what i feel now larz. maybe things are gonna change when i get the facts and things right? we'll see. don't know whats with samuel larz. like he kan wo bu shuang like that. very sian one lehz. talk to him i wanna die. haiz. hope that all our friendship turns out well.

i feel that im very greedy. wanna change that part of me. its like before ching han and sam got time, as in when they are having "a"s i miss them so much. now that i "have" them, i "want more from them". please don't have any wrong ideas. think straight. so yup. must tell myself not to be so greedy.

hmm.... im thinking how personal should i get in this blog actually. don't know whether i can open up myself fully to everyone. actually only 2 larz. randy and lok tuan. don't know still got anyone know not. don't know if they still got read my blog not sia. hahahaz. any comments on how personal i can/should get in this blog, please leave a tag.

this blog seems like my only outlet of emotions and thinking huhz.

wanna say something. i hope that sam lok tuan ching han and me can one day sit down and actually talk about our lifes and everything about everyone. just get to know more about each other instead of just gaming n gaming n gaming. i mean, ok, i have no objection to gaming. but the thing is i wanna know more about everyone. we've never talked about anything very personal at any point of life. maybe its because they can't handle it? not willing to? i don't know. but one things i can say is, im open to everything. erm. to say it not so civilisedly, im very loose? inappropriate choice of words? i don't know. hahahaz. yup.

i hope i didnt miss out anything.

MD is coming soon. wish me luck man. i don't know if im up to standard. but can say that i tried my best. or maybe that's not my best? will try. and people, please support larz. hahahahaz. lok tuan sam and ching han i really wish they go. cause like they never come support me at all like that. i know its unfair to them, cause they don't really listen to band songs. so can't blame themn fully. but just hope they will go. if ching han and sam don't go, then i don't know if they will ever have the chance to see me perform not lez. they going army mahz. as for lok tuan, still got 1 more year larz.

control myself and control my life! with that i will end.