Once in a blue moon, i blog. So long liaoz. Was reading previous post and thinking about the past. Guess certain things have not change while others did. For example, (i think), about the trusting of friends. Samuel is still "under inspection", meaning he has yet to gain my trust. I have no idea why. Maybe theres a feeling that he is not committed in this friendship bahz. Just feel that i am the one also putting in the effort to make things work. I really wonder if one day i don't do what i do, what will happen. Will the current groups/friends still be together even without my "help" or will they crumble? It's not as if I'm that great or whatever, but then i just wanna "determine" how important i am in the friendship. Kinda silly i know. A 20 thinking is like that. Wanna laugh rights? Anyways, don't know if there are still people reading my blog or not.

Finally i'm 20 and outta the teenage years. Actually not finally larz, it's not like i'm dreading teenager years. I really missed it. Don't wanna grow up. So fast and 7 years have passed, from secondary 1, when i still remember the interesting things and how our behaviors/talks/think/etc were like. Nostalgic. 7 FREAKING YEARS!!!! Where have the time gone to? Why does time flies soo god damn fast?

Must say about my current situation now. Graduated from Singapore Polytechnic, obtained a Diploma in Chemical Process Technology. Cumulative GPA of 3.471 (as i can recall, might not be correct, but close) Waiting for checkup, napfa and enlistment. Yup. Working in Nestle company as laboratory assistant. Basically that's it larz. Oh, trying to learn guitar. Recently bought 1 that cost me a bomb.

Questions to the general masses/anyone who happens to read this blog, stumbled upon this blog. Shit i forgot about what question lez. Cause was thinking of what to type then the thought flew away. (Fly away by FIR) Oh yes, thought of it lez.

1. Am i a swallow person?
2. Do i have to care about my depth of knowledge and what people think of me?

I guess that's all for now. :) meanwhile, stay healthy. Have no idea what else to type. Just random sign off(s). Cya.

P.S Wait for the next blue moon. Hahahaz. Just joking. See how things go 1st.

hiz, i'm back. after such a long time, i finally updated this blog again. currently hungry but then nothing to eat. ching han left my house not long ago, he just came to use the internet. haiz. can't go anywhere to eat. sianz lorz.

i'm really tried. tried of everything thats going on or not going on at all in my life. its sucks totally. i still feel alone as ever. as if there's no one to accompany me through life. i mean like, every friends seems to come and go. No one to confine to. i don't think there is any one who will accept who i am and listens to me. life is just a lonely journey. oh god. i'm feel all frustrated and vexed. theres too much thinking going on in my brain. sometimes i just wish i can stop all these nonsense in my head. so that people wouldn't think that i am so fan ren. its not that i want to fan people. its just these brain of mine.

i hope i can meet jermaine soon and talk to her. hope that she can advise me and tell me how to handle all these stuff. i think she can bahz. not sure though. just know that she is a good senior who cares. jocelyn too. haiz. i miss the seniors.

anywayz, i'm distracted now. gonna watch heroes. feels like theres no school tomorrow, but there is. saded. oh well.

i shant say too much on band stuff. finding it a hassle. too many things to say and explain. all these i shall forgo. im trying not to feel guilty about band stuff. haiz.

fyp sucks.

what else? next time bahz. i don't know how long is it gonna be before i blog again.

omg! i think that my ipod is spoiled! its like i've lost my cable for ages and i didnt charge. lst night i charge it, it just keep on giving me problem. the itunes also. im so dead. its like less than a year? i hope that ipod gives me a refund. sounds like fat hope horz. don't know how last time afiq can get his replaced. his is battery problem. haiz. i hope i get a replacement. i don't want to waste my money buying the cable then finally, cannot use. wa, damn sianz larz.

ok, i was blog serving. starting from randy's . then i read read read. i feel like i really miss percussion outting! when was the last one. omg! that's like so darn long ago. why has our section turn into this piece of shit?! erm, not literally. jsut find that we are not as bounded as we were back then. haiz. how come? what happened? why changed sooo much? eupho got their own section outting. where's our's? sorry that i have to compare. but i just miss the good old days. when at least everyone was working hard together for the coming concert. now its like so scattered. though can ask around when in times of need. but it's just different when we all practice together. haiz. oh well. look forward! shan't look back lez.

yesterday went to find shoes, with ching han. then go for band lorz. i shall not say further. tired sia. in the end got nothing. hmm, forgot what i want to blog about again. exams coming soon. alot of work i havent do yet. hahahahaz. really slacker. oh yar. the concert i got more parts! and its not a very good thing! well, not really. because its like just got it and concert is next next week! im not that pro to practice and learn so fast sia! how to?! wish that i don't screw up on the concert day. omg! omg! yesterday in band playing i already so nervous liaoz. later concert sure worse de sia. gotta relax!

my ipod still gives me problem. sianz. i going ching han house do homework lorz. byebye. suppose to be there at 1pm but im still here blogging. hahahahahaz. kkz. thats all.

its been more than a week since i blogged. hahahaz. hmm. what happened since then. can't remember much. just that lok tuan samuel ching han stayed over at my house. yup. samuel pon camp. surprised. and then the previous night before we they were coming over to my place, samuel called ching han like around 9pm and said incoherent stuff. hahahaz. wonder what's he up to. say something like what green arrow in the room, something like that. that time i was at ching han house playing games.

didnt count down together though. i was at ching han house overnight anywayz. cause like i was doing my photo album till quite late then he ask me stay lorz. don't know if he really minds or not. yup. i finished my photo album. haiz, wondered if lok tuan would have came if we asked him to. he said he don't count down. so not sure. then samuel is in camp. arhz. so sianz.

actually valerie ask me go sentosa. but i didnt give her an answer. so well, didnt go. then jie min ask me go lot 1, didnt go either. hahahaz. weird huhz. like go "invitation" then i don't go. no "invitation" i complain and complain.

its a start of a new year so, i shall try to change the way i process stuff, how i think about certain things, my thinking process. yup. think positive! quote from tv "focus on what you have and not what you do not have" thats very true. simple and true. should have figured that out by myself huhz. but oh well, sometimes people do forget things and never thought of it. im forgiven. hahahaz.

ok. that day in band, randy told me things that i was like not suppose to know. well not really not suppose to know. just kinda funny. but cool. hahahaz. hmm, shall i say i appreciate that. hahaz. didn't know he is like that de worz. hahahahaz. cool. fine with it. just don't really know how to react bahz. hmm, then horz. what else to say lehz. oh yar, got more parts for the upcoming concert. needa work my butt off sia. lets work hard together and strive for the best!

ohohoh, almost forgot about the class gathering. yup. my yap, physics teacher, went there. was shocked that he watches death note. and also that he is not as blur as he seems. hahahaz. cant judge a book by its cover huhz. well. we cycled there. hmm, actually didnt nothing much. that night we stayed over at lok tuan house. then the next day gotta explain to samuel lotsa stuff huhz.

cant think of anything else to say at this moment. just cant believe time really flies! aww man. live life to the fullest! gotta enjoy every moment! every breath! treasure those you love and deem to be important! (hope i use the word "deem" correctly) hahahaz. well. end here.

what am i searching for? what do i want? i don't know. what if i know all these things that i want? what will i do?

im like always questioning myself. yet i find no answers to these questions.

what can i do about my life? what if i know what to do with it? so what? what will i do?

haiz. just wanted to blog something.

haiz. turning into an adult/becoming an adult is so scary. so many changes in life that we gotta face. there's a different meaning to friends. people no longer "want" friends because they are too caught up with their lifes/work.

one day i might become like that. but for now i just hope thats not gonna happen. its hard to say. part of me wants to grow up but another part doesnt. the fear of it. turning 19 soon. and soon its gonna be 20. then 21. then 22. so on. omg. i find that 18 now is already old enough.

i need a brainwash. i need my thinking process to be set straight. cause i find that my thinking have problem. the way i think about stuff is not right. don't really know how to put it but thats it lorz.

tommorow is my sec sch class outting, bbq at east coast park. haiz. very frustrated larz. the friends/classmates/people in my sec 4 class i hope can like have contact even when we all go our seperate ways lorz. its gonna be difficult larz. just hope for the best to happen. thats why i say growing up is scary.

i realised that my blog differs from other people's blog. mine is like all about ranting my problems and talking about meaningless stuff. more and more about myself. whereas for others, theirs are opinions of things. hmm. got different rights? hahahaz. don't know larz. sorry if i complaining and whine sooo much about myself. get use to it man. it's my blog. :P

yesterday went zoo then stayed over at lok tuan's house. wa. during zoo trip lorz. that samuel wanna qi si wo arhz. haiz. ask him don't do this don't do that he still do. make me angry only. arhz. don't understand him larz. haiz. seems like 1st time i angry with a friend.

yar. wanna say that. somehow i find that out of 3 of them, lok tuan can be trusted most, ching han is neutral, samuel being the least. looks can be deceiving huhz. never judge a book by its cover. hmm.... at least the trusting things is what i feel now larz. maybe things are gonna change when i get the facts and things right? we'll see. don't know whats with samuel larz. like he kan wo bu shuang like that. very sian one lehz. talk to him i wanna die. haiz. hope that all our friendship turns out well.

i feel that im very greedy. wanna change that part of me. its like before ching han and sam got time, as in when they are having "a"s i miss them so much. now that i "have" them, i "want more from them". please don't have any wrong ideas. think straight. so yup. must tell myself not to be so greedy.

hmm.... im thinking how personal should i get in this blog actually. don't know whether i can open up myself fully to everyone. actually only 2 larz. randy and lok tuan. don't know still got anyone know not. don't know if they still got read my blog not sia. hahahaz. any comments on how personal i can/should get in this blog, please leave a tag.

this blog seems like my only outlet of emotions and thinking huhz.

wanna say something. i hope that sam lok tuan ching han and me can one day sit down and actually talk about our lifes and everything about everyone. just get to know more about each other instead of just gaming n gaming n gaming. i mean, ok, i have no objection to gaming. but the thing is i wanna know more about everyone. we've never talked about anything very personal at any point of life. maybe its because they can't handle it? not willing to? i don't know. but one things i can say is, im open to everything. erm. to say it not so civilisedly, im very loose? inappropriate choice of words? i don't know. hahahaz. yup.

i hope i didnt miss out anything.

MD is coming soon. wish me luck man. i don't know if im up to standard. but can say that i tried my best. or maybe that's not my best? will try. and people, please support larz. hahahahaz. lok tuan sam and ching han i really wish they go. cause like they never come support me at all like that. i know its unfair to them, cause they don't really listen to band songs. so can't blame themn fully. but just hope they will go. if ching han and sam don't go, then i don't know if they will ever have the chance to see me perform not lez. they going army mahz. as for lok tuan, still got 1 more year larz.

control myself and control my life! with that i will end.

just a quick post before i get ready for school.

today i have a test. just studied finish. hahahaz. start yesterday night only sia. after i came back from ching han house. yup. wish my luck. then horz. report arhz. tomorrow due i still haven't start. :P think tonight can don't sleep lez. considering the fact that i have band today. then reach home don't know what time. oh well. i hope shirley (band) sends me her report asap. needa help.

hmm... hopefully friday all of us can make it. hahahahaz.

then all the best for next week class outting bahz. kkz. looking forward to it.

gotta go. cya.